Parental Passion Crosses the Line: Man Dies at a Youth Basketball Game

There’s a social “superpower” not getting the press it deserves.

It’s been overlooked and arguably undervalued. Personally, I’ve been fortunate to carry it in my repertoire.

That superpower is restraint.

No one person has the birthright to it. Fortunately, many do, which fundamentally keeps our society from descending into complete anarchy.

Restraint has kept me out of dangerous, life-threatening moments as a young adult in inner city South Central L.A.

I’ve avoided the primal impulse to act upon sexual urges that result in unhealthy relationships and premarital parenthood.

There were moments when my male ego screamed for street justice over silly misunderstandings or perceived disrespect.

What’s saddening is how restraint escapes others — namely adults, and parents.

This past week, a brawl involving adults broke out during a seventh and eighth-grade boy’s basketball game between Alburgh and St. Albans at the Alburgh Community Center in northwestern Vermont.

Cell phone video captured several adults squared-off with one another exchanging sloppy and errant punches. In some cases, small, undersized children are within mere feet of the chaos.

The most unfortunate part — Russell Giroux, one of the attendees of the game would later be taken by ambulance to the Northwestern Medical Center in St. Albans and was later pronounced dead.

The reason why a fistfight between adults and parents erupted during a basketball game (on-court) is immaterial.

There’s not an egregious call by a referee that warrants violence.

I can’t think of a single verbal insult or slur that justifies this gross display of stupidity.

My question is and will always be this: Why do adults — people expected to set high moral standards of conduct and civility fail our youth?

As a younger man, I played three sports from little league through college. Out of hundreds of games spanning a decade, I recall a total of two, in-game fights and a handful of scrums during team practices. I’d say that is an expected result where young, developing men are placed in highly competitive, physical circumstances.

The total involvement of parents in these fights was zero. Their participation was isolated to breaking up these fights, de-escalation, or chastising us for poor sportsmanship and conduct.

At a minimum, I’d argue that the adults involved in this fight at the Alburgh Community Center lack healthy restraint.

Sports pull at our emotional heartstrings especially when the ones we love are on that figurative battlefield. We desperately want them to conquer and prevail victorious.

Yes, we reserve the right to verbalize when we are upset with the opposition’s dirty play or incompetent officiating, but that’s it. That is the f*****g box parents and adults need to live in.

If you’re not an athlete, coach, official, or kid wearing one of those ill-fitting uniforms, you do not belong on the court or field. Period.

How Did It Get To This?

The question I beg is this: What was the inciting moment leading several adults to leave the bleachers, enter the court, and engage in this brawl?

Was alcohol consumption and/or drugs involved?

Were there other drivers such as domestic stress, unemployment, or other social factors?

What was the inciting act or phrase that instigated that first punch being thrown?

Was this brawl just the perfect storm of adult idiots with a complete disregard for the physical safety of spectators?

A Blueprint of Stupidity

The adults involved not only engaged in potentially criminal activity. They shared a poor model of conflict resolution for children whose brains and decision-making are still forming.

Through their actions, the adults effectively said, This is the accepted path to expressing anger and resolving conflict.

For children, school is not confined to the classroom. School is where ever children are.

Untold Trauma

For the Alburgh community, I wonder what hardships will follow.

What level of pain and embarrassment will the children endure by witnessing their loved ones exchange punches and suffer injury? The possibility of disgust, ridicule, and trauma is present.

Will the effects of this brawl cause scholastic anxiety for student-athletes? I can tell you firsthand that an anxious athlete is an ineffective athlete. Their minds or elsewhere. Decision-making is dampened. You become risk-averse.

How is that parent-child relationship altered?

As children, we love our parents unconditionally, but we eventually mature and revisit key moments in our childhood, which changes our view of these people. History may not be kind to these parents in the years to come.

For Mr. Giroux — the gentleman that tragically died, What was his role? Peacemaker or instigator? Where do his loved ones go from here? His final chapter — dying as a result of a middle school brawl is deeply saddening and unfortunate. This will not sit well with anyone in his circle. How does one draft a eulogy around this level of misfortune?

People, From This Point Forward…

I’m calling for parents, friends, and spectators in attendance at ANY sporting event to do this — stay the f*** in your seat.

There is rarely a reason (if ever) for any spectator to enter a field of play during a sporting event. Typically, there is some level of security, staff, and coaches who are tasked as peacemakers in de-escalating physical altercations.

If the adults in attendance at the Alburgh Community Center stayed in the bleachers, Russell Giroux would arguably still be alive.

A few things seem certain for sure. Children failed miserably, and adults once again look like idiots.

Imani Kaliid is a Los Angeles native, host of “Survivor Stories: From Pain to Power” (Roku TV, Amazon Fire), author of “There Was Violence” and advocate for victims of violent trauma. Follow him on Twitter: @SurvivorImaniK