I’m Not Watching the M*****F****** Tyre Nichols Video!

Well, here we are again — another black man murdered at the hands of law enforcement.

Unlike other unfortunate moments in the recent past, this civilian murder — was not racially motivated. Or was it?

Is there an argument that the five, black officers of the Memphis Police Department’s SCORPION unit beat Tyre Nichols inhumanely because he was black?

Don’t worry. I’m not gonna do the whole If-Tyre-Nichols-Was-Tyler-Nichols (a white man), they wouldn’t have laid a finger on him.

These cops sound pretty f*****g ignorant and incompetent, but we’ll never know.

Here’s My “Why?”

The reason why I won’t be viewing multi-angled video capturing police body cams and nearby surveillance footage is this — I refuse to jam yet another memory of black people being murdered in my already-crammed memory bank of such events.

You read that right. I refuse to put myself through that level of acceptance and trauma.

At a cellular and psychological level, there is such a thing as overconsuming life-ending imagery. This carries a cost. Many of us are resistant to carrying that debt.

Don’t think for one minute that I don’t know that some black people (suspected criminals included) are gaping assholes. In the past, I’ve been angry at them, wished bad fortune on them, and as a much younger man wanted to hurt them physically. Much of this thinking was and is unhealthy, unproductive thinking.

There’s no defense for what I saw in the three-second clip of the merciless beating I inadvertently saw as my YouTube feed played while in Autoplay mode.

Show me five cops incapable of taking a 140 lb man whose name is not Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson or John “Bones” Jones into custody without committing murder and I’ll show you five cops that are completely incompetent and/or corrupt.

This Pisses Me Off

What angers me about this ordeal is what upsets me about some black Republicans and black people using the infamous “N” word. They thoroughly know of the atrocities black people have historically endured in America, yet they choose to participate in activities that fuel high black mortality — death.

Some black Americans vote against their self-interest in electing officials that push policies mapped to keeping black people impoverished, imprisoned, and unhealthy. Take the water crisis in Flint, Michigan, or Mississippi, for example.

Research racially motivated housing policies where black Americans’ homes are grossly under-appraised.

Review peer-reviewed research that analyzes the lack of care black women in particular receives through hospitals and medical practices.

The Pain of Burying Your Children

As a single, childless man, I will never know the challenges of parenthood. I venture to say that the pain Tyre Nichol’s parents are enduring will be unparalleled. There is no remedy for the long, windy road of mourning they will undoubtedly suffer. The forthcoming prosecution of the offenders, wrongful death suits, and protests will not rid them of grief.

Black People’s Dirty Secret

We black people have a dirty secret: Some of us don’t mutually value black lives as if the world hasn’t been systemically against us. That alone should have been the safeguard that preserved Mr. Nichols’s life.

Out of all of the fights I’ve seen in the streets, schoolyards, or pickup games nearing homicidal catastrophe, there’s usually one or two guys that eventually intervene by saying, “Yo! Chill! That’s enough!”. It is at that point someone will either pull the dominant fighter/s off or stand between the bloody victim nearing the abyss.

These so-called cops went 0 for 5 on that one. They failed as human beings and men.

Some may argue that this isn’t a black-on-black thing per se and that people hurt those who are closest to them in proximity. I find the latter true but feel that a nuanced perspective is in order.

The African American experience is unique beginning with slavery through emancipation and civil rights up until where we find ourselves today. While other races have had their challenges in this country, they do not share the threats that face us today.

Our path forward as I see it is this: We must do the little things well to affect larger, positive impacts and outcomes.

We must expand our daily interactions with one another to be less volatile and mean-spirited. Where? Socially, romantically, professionally, and creatively.

Be less cooperative with the use of the “N” word. Stop convincing yourself that this word rooted in dehumanizing us is somehow a term of endearment.

Let’s rid ourselves of the gender-specific, romantic shit-talking aimed at social media and social circles. It’s okay if you’re upset or unhappy, but the minute we start hurling verbal acid in each other’s faces, we’re ruining the game. Instead, give constructive criticism. Express your feelings like the adults you are.

This is more of who we must be, black people.

Imani Kaliid is a Los Angeles native, host of “Survivor Stories: From Pain to Power” (Roku TV, Amazon Fire), author of “There Was Violence” and advocate for victims of violent trauma. Follow him on Twitter: @SurvivorImaniK